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cyphercryptI don't like going out. My Chinese hosts are very friendly. I've been told to pretend I don't speak mandarin at every turn I take unless I'm alone with one of the bosses. In this regard, I feel like I am a complete fraud.
I don't know how to convey this paragraph without being narcissistic: I feel like I'm jason bourne. I'm hiding from the world. I speak Mandarin, Russian, Spanish, English, and one other region-specific language. Each language that I speak (besides English and Mandarin) is just slightly above "survival" level. Every moment that I have free time, I feel fear of something chasing me. My previous life as an influencer makes me not want to go out. If I had to guess, I would say thousands (at most) knew me by the alias I used before. Maybe I focus too much on the people that I upset while I was a content creator and I fear the repercussions? I cannot say for certain. Is this paranoid schizophrenia? Persecution complex?
I searched myself on baidu and google. Nothing has come up so far. I think I may need to make a contingency plan for my employers if I am ever found out and if I ever get exposed.,
On a more enlightening note, I feel like a lot changed since the last time I came to China. I'm in Chengdu right now. Today I will fly to a different city. The last time I lived in China for a significant amount of time (henan, 2012, one month), people drove everywhere like madmen. Now the biggest problem is simply changing lanes. Air pollution is still a problem. People aren't staring at me like an alien, and, at best, it seems that caucasians in big cities simply have heightened novelty status. When people saw me here, they compared me to justin bieber.
I don't know how to convey this paragraph without being narcissistic: I feel like I'm jason bourne. I'm hiding from the world. I speak Mandarin, Russian, Spanish, English, and one other region-specific language. Each language that I speak (besides English and Mandarin) is just slightly above "survival" level. Every moment that I have free time, I feel fear of something chasing me. My previous life as an influencer makes me not want to go out. If I had to guess, I would say thousands (at most) knew me by the alias I used before. Maybe I focus too much on the people that I upset while I was a content creator and I fear the repercussions? I cannot say for certain. Is this paranoid schizophrenia? Persecution complex?
I searched myself on baidu and google. Nothing has come up so far. I think I may need to make a contingency plan for my employers if I am ever found out and if I ever get exposed.,
On a more enlightening note, I feel like a lot changed since the last time I came to China. I'm in Chengdu right now. Today I will fly to a different city. The last time I lived in China for a significant amount of time (henan, 2012, one month), people drove everywhere like madmen. Now the biggest problem is simply changing lanes. Air pollution is still a problem. People aren't staring at me like an alien, and, at best, it seems that caucasians in big cities simply have heightened novelty status. When people saw me here, they compared me to justin bieber.
